m'lud

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Man dies after eating money, seeks toilet water, cleaning fluid, curtain hooks and trees — by Murdo Maguire — last modified 28-09-2006 07:31

A man hooked on eating bizarre items died after surgery to remove a screw, paper towel, a pen top, magnet and 54p in change from his bowel, an inquest heard.

'Stressed-out' anger management trainer drove car through doors of nightclub — by Murdo Maguire — last modified 24-09-2006 04:08

A former Devon conflict management trainer has been jailed for driving his Jeep Cherokee through the doors of a nightclub he had been ejected from.

Pet with penchant for pants needs £1000 surgery — by Murdo Maguire — last modified 22-09-2006 07:04

A Nottingham man says his pet dog's penchant for ladies' underwear left the animal needing emergency surgery.

Man marries goat in 'shotgun' wedding after having premarital sex with the animal — by Conrad Murray — last modified 12-09-2006 12:03

A Sudanese man has been made to marry a goat after he was caught having sex with the animal

Black eyes all round at lesbian bride's fight wedding — by Murdo Maguire — last modified 07-09-2006 05:53

A lesbian bride was left with a black eye when her gay wedding ended in a mass punch-up.

Dwarf beards prison staff after shaving accident — by Conrad Murray — last modified 29-08-2006 08:28

A dwarf is suing a prison because he fell off a sink while shaving.

Parrot peck puts thief before the beak — by Murdo Maguire — last modified 21-07-2006 06:25

A burglar who stole a parrot from a pet shop was caught after the bird bit him, leaving a trail of blood at the scene, a court heard today.

Stolen phones net Foreign Office a £600,000 bill — by Murdo Maguire — last modified 21-07-2006 04:14

Two satellite phones stolen in Iraq cost the Foreign Office almost £600,000 in bills, a spending watchdog says. It took about 18 months before the phones were cut off, despite a junior staff member in the Foreign Office telephony unit querying the huge bills.

Medical negligence or potential urban myth? Penile implant rises with neighbour's garage doors — by Murdo Maguire — last modified 25-11-2006 06:02

A man who had a penile implant to cure impotence is rising to the occasion — whenever his neighbour opens his garage doors. In a call to BBC Radio Merseyside the man claimed the remote control for his neighbour's garage was on the same frequency as the electronic device in his groin.

Irish drunks who miss boat head for home in stolen trawler — by Murdo Maguire — last modified 17-07-2006 09:14

Two Irishmen stole a fishing boat from a Welsh harbour to return to Dublin after missing their ferry home but got lost and sailed round in circles for hours before being rescued.

After electric shock and severe burns, Indian man 'regrows a new skull' — by Murdo Maguire — last modified 06-07-2006 08:34

Hundreds of people have flocked to a hospital in the Indian city of Calcutta to see a man holding a sizeable chunk of his head in his hands. Doctors say a section of electrician Sambhu Roy's skull fell off on Sunday, months after he suffered severe burns. He has now become the centre of public attention as the man who literally "holds his head in his hands". However some medics have questioned whether he has been left holding part of his skull or part of his scalp.

'Foghorn' livestock auctioneer investigated as a noise hazard — by Conrad Murray — last modified 30-06-2006 12:52

A livestock auctioneer is under investigation because safety watchdogs think his loud voice may be a noise hazard. Officials from the Health and Safety Executive (HSE) are examining whether David Probert could damage visitors' hearing at Hereford Market.

Coffee may reduce diabetes risk — by Murdo Maguire — last modified 27-06-2006 09:54

Consumption of coffee, particularly the decaffeinated variety, is associated with a reduced risk of diabetes, according to a report in the Archives of Internal Medicine.

Low-flying Frenchman caused Blackpool donkey stampede — by Murdo Maguire — last modified 23-06-2006 06:55

A French helicopter pilot caused panic when he flew low over an English seaside resort, a court heard yesterday. Children on the beaches of Blackpool screamed and the town's famous donkeys stampeded in fright. Thierry Leygnac, 45, a highly-decorated former French navy pilot, flew so low that at one stage his Squirrel helicopter was seen beneath the 250ft gantry of a bungee jump attraction.

Sisters lose immaculate conception cover — by Murdo Maguire — last modified 23-06-2006 06:56

Insurers have withdrawn a policy covering the costs of an immaculate conception and the upbringing of the Christ-child which had been taken out by three sisters in the event of the second coming.

'Wrong bin' woman is recycled into court — by Murdo Maguire — last modified 23-05-2006 04:19

A 30-year-old mother of three has appeared before magistrates in Devon accused of failing to recycle household waste properly.

Gluten-free route for Priest made ill by communion bread — by Murdo Maguire — last modified 22-05-2006 07:44

A clergyman was convinced he had cancer when he starting losing weight – but it turned out he was allergic to his Communion wafers. Clive Barrett suffered for years from ill-health which saw his weight plummet and left him unable to digest food. But he couldn't believe it when tests revealed the root of the trouble – he was allergic to the circular wafers he uses at Communion.

Woman who turned idyll into "Agatha Christie hell" gets Asbo — by Nigel Bunyan — last modified 19-05-2006 06:36

A retired financial adviser who single-handedly turned a peaceful rural community into a "hamlet of horrors" was yesterday made the subject of an anti-social behaviour order. Jeanne Wilding, 57, has so tormented her neighbours in Bottomley, near Walsden, West Yorks, that three of them have had to seek medical help for depression. Others claim that their houses have been so blighted by her overbearing presence that they cannot be sold.

Double leg break for player and his substitute — by Murdo Maguire — last modified 18-05-2006 06:53

A player in a south Wales end-of-season rugby match broke his leg - and so did his replacement three minutes later. Both men fractured their right legs and then shared an ambulance to hospital - ending up in neighbouring beds.

Man dies after scratch from cat: family forgives perpetrator — by Murdo Maguire — last modified 17-05-2006 08:49

A man died days after he was scratched by his family's playful pet cat, an inquest has heard. The cat grazed 61-year-old Martin Maas on the hand last December. But days later the injury turned septic and Mr Maas, from Swindon, Wilts, died of a subcutaneous infection in the town's Great Western Hospital.

Alligators get hot and horny killing three in Florida — by Murdo Maguire — last modified 16-05-2006 06:47

There have been only 17 human casualties to alligators since 1948 so why have three people in a week suffered a gruesome death? Blame the mating season and a drought in the Everglades which has dispersed them over a wider area in search of food. That and stupid humans who won't stay out of the water. And if you don't want to encounter alligators, the best advice is to stay out of Florida...

Arsenal calls "bum deal" as toxic seats are withdrawn from Highbury sell-off — by Murdo Maguire — last modified 10-05-2006 16:14

Arsenal have had to abandon plans to sell off 38,500 seats from Highbury to fans because small traces of toxic metal cadmium have been found in them. The seats were to be sold, priced £19.99, to allow fans a souvenir before the move to the Emirates Stadium.

Mayday! Couple on rocks as new £250,000 yacht breaks up — by Conrad Murray — last modified 02-05-2006 12:24

A couple forced to abandon their new yacht could only watch from a cliff face yesterday as the £250,000 vessel broke up on rocks below. The 42-year-old owner and his 33-year-old companion sent out a mayday when the 47ft Wellworthy hit rocks and began taking in water off Anvil Point, Dorset.They scrambled on to cliffs and then saw the glass fibre hull break up as they waited for help.

Perth inmate drops Sega console action — by Murdo Maguire — last modified 21-04-2006 14:34

A prisoner has failed in a bid to sue ministers over a faulty computer games console given to him in jail. Adam Shannon claimed compensation from prison chiefs because his Sega Dreamcast console was broken. Shannon, serving more than five years in Perth Prison for attacking his own friend, also wanted cash for the 15 games he wanted to play in his cell.

Practice going private leaves dental patient toothless — by Murdo Maguire — last modified 25-11-2006 06:02

A dental patient has been left with a toothless grin after the practice that removed six of his front teeth went private in the middle of his treatment. Darren Wheeler, 30, of Whiston, near Rotherham, South Yorks, had been due to have dentures fitted by staff at the town's Birkdale Clinic. But before he could go for his final group of appointments the practice sent him a letter saying they could only proceed if he went private.